9 THINGS NOT TO CONSIDER WHEN YOU WANT TO MARRY

Marriage is the only school that you gain admission into without graduating. Once you are married you are married for life! Marriage is like a shoe. When you wear oversize, be ready to drag it along through out life, and when you wear under-size be ready to feel the pains through out life".

One thing about marriage is that you don't drop your shoe or remove it at any point, no matter how painful or how stressful it is. That is why I thought it necessary to write you this letter.If you are single, there are many things that may attract you to a man or woman for marital relationship which have nothing to do with marriage, but you may be willfully ignorant of that. Here is the list of such things;

1.PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
Do not look for the beautiful ones, the nice ones or the cheap ones. Look for the one that is your size. Not every handsome, wealthy or intelligent guy is for you, not every beautiful woman is for you. Look for the one that is meant for you, the one that aligns with your values and belief, the one who you meet at your life's journey. It is important to know where you're going in life before you think of getting a wife.

2.POSITION
All sizes of shoes are not placed in the same place. There is a place for court shoes, laced up shoes, sport footwear, snickers etc. We have Children sizes, young people's sizes and the adult sizes. Know where to get your own shoe. Your size cannot be everywhere my brother, your type cannot be everywhere my sister. You cannot be a Christian, and be looking for a wife material at a club. Your wife or husband can't just be everywhere. Stick to your values and therein you shall find someone like you, but when your values are not defined anyone can just match you. Discover yourself and define your values.

3.TALENTS
When you see a brother who can play musical instrument very well or a young lady or man who has a good voice, and you feel attracted to the person for marital relationship, now what does singing or musical instrument has to do with marriage? It is called the ignorance of the singles. You may not realize this until you get into marital relationship or you get married that you will know that what attracted you to the person in the first instance has nothing to do with having a successful marriage at all. That is one of the reasons celebrities marriages do not last, those talents are not really needed in marriage, only on stage. Then you will remember James 5:13, it's when people are happily married that they appreciate their spouses singing melody to them, but if not, the voices and singing become ugly.

3.PHYSICAL ATTRACTION AND ATTRACTION
This is very funny, but to many singles out there, it is not funny at all, it is rather a costly ignorance. When you are attracted to a man because he knows how to dress very well, or to a lady because she has straight legs, because the person is tall, slim, light skin or glowing skin, or because the person has good set of teeth, long hair, or has a good smile, you are under the influence of common single’s ignorance, because none of these things have anything to do with having a good marriage.

If you go into marital relationship or get married wrongly to a person because of physical attraction, when the agony of bad marriage overwhelms you, you will wish to use cutlass to cut off the straight legs or whatever that lured you to the person.

In the book of Proverbs 31: 30, the Bible says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” If you are single and you are still overwhelmed with single exorbitance, this Bible verse will not make any sense to you, you will feel like, “No oh, beauty is something to me o, I want to marry a beautiful woman, that is my longtime dream.” Or “I want to marry a handsome man; in fact I can’t marry less than that.” And you even quote Bible to back it up, that God gives good things to His children. You know what? To the single, beauty is something or everything, but to have a successful marriage, beauty is nothing.

If you see a beautiful lady or a handsome young man over there, and you are attracted to the person for marital relationship, because of the beauty, you know what? You are under the influence of single ignorance which will soon clear from your eyes when you get into it.

Physical beauty has nothing to do with a good or happy marriage. If physical beauty has anything to contribute to happy marriage, why do celebrities have more divorce rate? Why do most men with beautiful wives still cheat on their wives or abuse them physically or verbally? It is simply because physical beauty has nothing to do with having a good marriage, and just as the Bible says in Proverbs 31:30 that beauty is passing – meaning the impression that the beauty of person has on you will shortly pass away in marriage and you will face the reality.

4.FINANCIAL & MATERIAL INFLUENCE
If you marry somebody because the person is financially okay or has a good job or business, after you get married, you then realize that God had already destined you to be prospered on your own without the person, then you will wish you had married the right person and prospered together.

When you marry somebody because of their financial or material influence, you will not have respect of the person and you will not have rest of mind. Later you will realize that you could have made it richer without the person, that you could have married the poor but right person and make it together.

When you see a couple in a brand new latest SUV, wearing same designers, when you see a couple spending their vacation or summer in an expensive place outside the country, and you envy them and wish you have such marriage? What a fool! You don’t know that all those things have nothing to do with happy home. Money, materials and others have nothing to do with a good and godly home. For example, there is no amount of money your husband may have that can console you when you realize he is cheating on you.

When you marry a visionless rich guy that has a Television and ignore a visionary man without a Television now, then one day you will watch the visionary man on your husband's TV. Also when you marry a wrong lady without the inbuilt capacity to support your vision, but because she is beautiful to behold, soon you will have no major project than to spend on her beauty with latest makeups.

5.ACADEMIC QUALIFICATIONS
Another common ignorance among singles in choosing partner in marriage is academic qualification. You want to marry, and you have this idol of academic qualification in your heart that the lady you want to marry must be very educated or the man you want to marry must not have lesser education than you.

When you ignore the perfect will of God for your life because he is not as educated as you want or because her academic qualification is too low, and you think, “How will people feel that after all my academic qualification I will now marry this person with low academic qualification.” Will it not sound well for people to hear that the person you want to marry graduated from so-so university, or s/he is a Dr, Lawyer, Engr. Etc.? You know what? People you are trying to impress by marrying a wrong educated person will not be there with you in the marriage when tragedy of wrong marriage starts to let loose on you.

6.TRIBE
Do you want to marry a particular tribe person or you want to marry the perfect will of God for your life? Will it not be so painful that the heart-breaking wrong person you marry is from your tribe? Rather, will you not be so peaceful that the loving, godly and right person you marry is from another tribe? Which one is better for you?

It is funny when I see people saying they must marry from their tribe or town or village as if they have not seen the worst husbands or wives from that their tribe, as if marrying in their tribes is more important than marrying in the Lord.

7.PARENTAL INFLUENCE
When you allow your parents to choose for you instead of allowing God to choose for you or when you choose to marry somebody because his or her parents are good or godly, and you go into marital relationship with somebody because it is the wish of your parents or because the parents of the person are ministers, popular, or powerful in the society, such is called ignorance of the single. When you enter into the wrong marriage, your parents or the parents of your spouse will not be there with you.

8.THE ONLY RIGHT CHOICE
If you don’t want to marry and mar your life, destiny, ministry and eternity, but if you want to marry and make it in life, and also make heaven, then the only person you can marry and never regret it is the person who is the will of God for you. God has created a person for you that fits your life, destiny, God’s program for you and that is what is called the will of God in marriage. You may miss the right school, the right carrier for you or the right job, but please do not miss the right person God has created for you because if you miss it, you may miss everything including heaven.

9. PERCEPTION
In this kind of shoe purchasing enterprise, you are not permitted to try the shoe before you buy. This is why it is important to seek guidance and counseling, from people who have bought shoes before or are into the business of directing people to the right shoes (Pastors and Relationship coaches). And most importantly to avoid much time wasting time, simply consult the SHOE MANUFACTURER to tell you your size (GOD ALMIGHTY ).

"You do not prepare for wedding, you prepare for marriage." Ladies these days get so motivated when they attend wedding and they will quickly want to say yes to that guy. Wait!!! It is not just the wedding oh. The wedding is just one day. After the wedding WHAT NEXT?
HOW TO DISCOVER THE WILL OF GOD IN MARRIAGE
  • Surrender your life to Jesus. Only in Christ you have the will of God, until you are genuinely saved.
  • Surrender your will and ways to God. Let His will be your will and His way be yours, no idol.
  • Seek Him for guidance. Lean not on your own understanding
  • Settle for God’s will, not your permissive will
  • Stay pure till marriage. No premarital inordinate affection or sexual immorality.

Finally, it is not something you rush to the market and just pick a shoe because you like or can purchase it. Ask questions -Where is this shoe made from? (Background) -What's the size (Values) -How much (His/Her interest) -How long will it last (His/Her Character) -Who made it? (Is she/He of the same faith This is compatibility) -Will it match me? (This is whether he/she love you and will accept you the way you are). Remember many are dragging their foot and they would hardly reach their destinies, many are feeling endless pains and wish they could pull off the shoes but no way!!! I have seen people with beautiful shoes and when they show you their foot, you will see scars. Beloved, it is not about the physical, it is the size, you can't know the size from afar so come close, build a relationship first but remember 'you are not permitted to try it before you buy it'. And for those who have purchased the wrong shoes, you can still make it your size again if you'd consult the manufacturer and let Him have His way in your marriage. God bless us all.


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